READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
