i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
