I just threw up on my dentist
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
fuck your aforementioned shoe
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
