He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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