I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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