Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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