Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize