So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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