There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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