My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
