Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
