Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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