My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
