I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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