hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
