A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
