if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
