My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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