i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize