I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize