So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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