a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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