I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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