She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
