I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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