remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
