put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
