dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
