So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
