had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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