the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
