You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
