Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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