you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
