i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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