You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
