I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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