I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
