I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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