you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
