u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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