Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Someone shit on the floor
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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