Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
