Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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