Me. At least after what I've been through.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
