See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
