Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So squirting runs in the family.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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