So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
