so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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