anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
