Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
