I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if i can run in heels then i can drive
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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