I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize