Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
