im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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