and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
