she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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