oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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