I don't usually arrange sex via text message
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
