We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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