I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
