After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
