My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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