My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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