How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
