I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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