Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
