also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Randomize
