i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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