It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
