tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
