I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
