I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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