I need help removing her.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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