awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
