just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
