I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
