What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
