Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
