I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
