just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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