why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize