...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
