just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
