I don't think brook has ever known best
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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