i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
