She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
