So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
