i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
