Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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