The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
