I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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