My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
