You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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