and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I didn't notice because vodka
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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