my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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