So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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