i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
