Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
