clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
