I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
