I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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