I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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