I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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