Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
