those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
